The Desperation Trap
Here’s the pattern I’ve seen (and lived) too many times: You hate your job. You quit to “follow your dreams.” You burn through savings faster than expected. You get desperate. You take any client who’ll pay. You hate the work but need the money. You’re more miserable than you were employed. The problem isn’t ambition. It’s starting from unstable ground. The counterintuitive truth: stability enables better risk-taking, not worse.What Stability Actually Means
Stability doesn’t mean never taking risks, giving up on products, accepting mediocrity, or staying in a bad situation. Stability means having enough runway to make good decisions, not being in constant survival mode, being able to say no to bad opportunities, building from abundance not desperation.The Three Types of Stability
Financial Stability
6-12 months of expenses saved. Predictable income (from employment, retainers, or existing products). Low burn rate. Understanding your actual numbers. Why it matters: When you’re not worried about making rent, you can say no to bad clients, take time to build properly, make strategic decisions instead of desperate ones, actually solve problems instead of just surviving. How to build it: If you’re employed, save aggressively before making any moves, calculate your actual burn rate (not what you think it is), build a side income before leaving, don’t quit until you have runway. If you’re freelancing, charge enough to build savings, aim for retainer clients, track every expense ruthlessly, don’t scale lifestyle with income. If you’re building products, keep an income source while building, start with products that can generate revenue quickly, don’t go full-time until you have traction.Emotional Stability
Support systems beyond your partner. People who understand what you’re doing. Outlets for stress. Not carrying everything alone. Why it matters: Building anything is emotionally exhausting. Without support, every setback feels catastrophic, isolation leads to poor decisions, your partner carries load they shouldn’t have to, you burn out before you get anywhere. How to build it: Find your people—communities of people doing similar things, mentors who’ve been where you are, friends who understand. Set boundaries—your partner shouldn’t be your only support, your friends need to hear about more than just work, you need outlets beyond building. Create structures—regular check-ins with other builders, scheduled breaks where you actually rest, social activities not related to work.Mental Stability
Clarity about priorities. Realistic expectations. Healthy relationship with work. Ability to separate your worth from your work. Why it matters: When your mental game is off, you overreact to setbacks, ship things you’re not proud of out of panic, can’t think strategically, make decisions you’ll regret. How to build it: Get clear on priorities—what actually matters to you, what are you optimizing for, what would success look like in 5 years. Set realistic expectations—products take longer than you think, client work is harder than it looks, nothing grows as fast as Twitter makes it seem. Separate worth from work—a failed product doesn’t make you a failure, slow growth doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.The Stability Paradox
Here’s what seems backwards but is true: the more stable you are, the bigger risks you can afford to take. When you’re desperate, you take the first opportunity, say yes to everyone, ship fast instead of right, optimize for survival not success. When you’re stable, you can wait for the right opportunity, say no to bad fits, build properly, optimize for long-term success. Stability isn’t the opposite of risk. It’s what enables smart risk.My Path to (and Away from) Stability
Early 20s: Stable through employment. Full-time job in the UK, regular paycheck, visa sponsorship, benefits. What I had: financial stability, clear boundaries, colleagues. What I missed: freedom, ownership, upside. What I learned: don’t undervalue stability until it’s gone. Late 20s: Unstable through freelancing. Quit employment, freelance PPC and analytics, irregular income, constant selling. What I had: freedom, variety, higher hourly rates. What I lost: stability, predictability, peace of mind. What I learned: freedom without stability is just chaos. Early 30s: Unstable through products. Built voucher publisher, revenue grew, then policy changes killed revenue overnight. What I had: ownership, learning, some success. What I lost: years of work, significant revenue, confidence. What I learned: some business models are inherently unstable. Mid 30s: Attempting stability through client work. Longer engagements (6-8 weeks), higher rates, better clients. What I had: more predictable than freelancing, better money. What I still lacked: real stability, the gaps were stressful. What I learned: client work alone won’t give you stability. Now (37): Building stability through portfolio. Interviewing for employment, still taking some client work, still building products. What I’m attempting: stable base (employment) + upside (products) + variety (consulting). What I’m hoping: this mix provides both stability and opportunity. What I’ll learn: whether this actually works long-term.The Mistakes I Made
Mistake 1: Quitting without runway. Quit employment with 3 months of savings, thinking I’d figure it out. Got desperate by month 2, took bad clients. Should have saved 12 months, built side income first. Mistake 2: Scaling lifestyle with income. Started making good money from voucher publisher, increased spending accordingly. When revenue disappeared, expenses were suddenly unsustainable. Should have kept lifestyle constant, saved everything extra. Mistake 3: Not diversifying income. Put all effort into one business model. When that collapsed, entire income gone overnight. Should have always had multiple income sources. Mistake 4: Ignoring emotional stability. Tried to power through isolation and stress alone. Burned out, made bad decisions, damaged relationship with girlfriend. Should have built support systems early. Mistake 5: Confusing motion with progress. Worked constantly, evenings and weekends. Exhausted myself, didn’t actually move faster. Should have worked sustainably, taken real breaks.The Portfolio Approach to Stability
The most stable approach I’ve found: don’t depend on one income source. Employment (40-50% of time): provides base salary, benefits, colleagues, clear boundaries. Risk: can be laid off. Stability: high. Consulting (20-30% of time): provides higher rates, variety, flexibility. Risk: projects end. Stability: medium. Products (20-30% of time): provides ownership, upside, creative freedom. Risk: might make $0. Stability: low alone, acceptable in portfolio. Together: If you lose employment, you have consulting and product. If consulting dries up, you have employment and product. If product fails, you have stable income to try again. No single failure destroys you.The Relationship Between Stability and Speed
People think: “If I’m stable and comfortable, I won’t be hungry enough to succeed.” Reality: desperation makes you slower, not faster. When you’re desperate, you take bad clients who drain your energy, chase every opportunity instead of the right ones, you’re too stressed to think clearly, make decisions you have to undo later. When you’re stable, you can focus on what matters, say no to distractions, make better decisions, build properly instead of frantically. Stable doesn’t mean comfortable. It means strategic.What I’m Doing Now
At 37, I’m deliberately building stability: Employment (interviewing now): salary covers all expenses, benefits I don’t have to think about, colleagues to learn from, clear boundaries. Products (building on the side): ownership and upside, creative freedom, long-term wealth potential. Because I have employment, no desperation. Maybe consulting (selectively): high rates only, interesting problems only, good clients only. Because I don’t need it, I can be selective. This isn’t “settling.” It’s building a foundation that can support bigger risks.The best time to build a business is when you don’t desperately need it to work. Build stability first, then take smart risks from solid ground.